Couple Image First Date Advice
There’s no doubt about it – expectations run high in new relationships. After all, you’ve spent time and energy looking for him and now that it’s finally happening your expectations are for great times ahead. But there is some danger in this and it’s as well to be aware of the pros and cons of high expectations in relationships. In fact, it’s essential that you know how to handle these if you want your relationship to progress to the next level.
High Expectations can be Dangerous
One of the most dangerous of all traps is where you fall instantly into relationships. You assume that, just because you’ve had a couple of dates, that you two are now an item. This problem can be compounded where he seems really keen, because it puts you off your guard. Perhaps he’s making all the right noises, even said he loves being with you. So you think you’re “in there” and start making demands on his time and attention. If you’ve ever been in a relationship where your really keen boyfriend suddenly disappeared off the face of the planet then this probably applies to you. Whatever he is saying, don’t assume you’re in a relationship until the subject has been discussed.
Early on, don’t expect him to put you first, spend all his time with you and be introduced to his family and friends. Expecting too much too quickly can make you sulky, pouty and a pain to be around. That’s strong man repellent early on. Just take it slowly and let him lead the way. Hold back a little and watch for the signs of his continued interest and willingness to progress these things further. Your lack of neediness will usually be highly attractive. Watch out for the signs that he’s pulling back – perhaps you’re coming on too strong or he just doesn’t want a relationship. Don’t forget that he also has his expectations of how you will behave and what you will want from him and he may not be ready to give it or even sure what he wants yet. There is a fine balancing act going on here for a relationship to be successful.
Low Expectations can be Dangerous
OK, I can’t win, I hear you say – but you will if you stay patient. When you rush you only end up wasting your time with the wrong men. So, this next bit is really important. You are one cool, sassy lady who expects to be treated well. Now, you are going to take your time so you can both get to know each other so that you can decide whether he might be the one for you. But you are not going to tolerate bad behaviour in any form. At the first sign, you are going to pull back. So be on the look out. Does he keep his word when he makes promises? Does he turn up when he says he will, and on time? Low expectations in relationships can lead to low standards being accepted and you’re worth a lot more than that. Let me assure you that you don’t need a man at any cost. If you don’t value yourself, then you can be sure that he never will.
If he’s not letting you know that he’s interested in you, then assume that he’s not interested – certainly not in a long-term relationship with you. So, if you’re having to chase and cajole him into seeing you, come on… you have low expectations and place a low value on yourself. It doesn’t matter how cute he is, your low expectations will lead to pain and heartache for you, not him. He will perhaps happily have a fling with you but that will be the end of it. Is that what you want?
Gently Slowly Does It!
So you will always maintain your high expectations of his behaviour towards you. And those expectations that you kept low in the beginning should be raised gradually as time goes on. As you watch and wait, you are deciding if he is the one for you. You will make this so much easier for yourself if you have held back a little from fully giving your heart. Do his actions say that he wants to be with you? If you’ve been seeing him for 6 months and he’s still not introduced you to his family and friends then you might have a problem. If he doesn’t want to spend special occasions with you or, if you’re still having to entice him into seeing you, then he is perhaps giving you a loud and clear signal that he’s not interested enough. If he’s not progressing the relationship, then it’s probably not going anywhere. If you are tolerating his low standards in the hopes that he will change then you are partly to blame.
The further on you are, the more you should be able to expect that he puts you first – not all the time – but when it’s really important. If he’s not willing to do this or is unwilling to discuss it with you, then really it’s not working out, is it? It will help if you can communicate your needs clearly and calmly without emotion and threat. Only you can judge the timing for discussion of these things but err on the side of caution early on in the relationship as men are generally slower to decide they want a relationship than women. His reactions will generally tell you so much more than his words. If you can learn to balance your expectations of a man early on and when and how you communicate them, then the wonderful relationship that you want and deserve is sure to follow.