Whom Do You Value Most? Him or Yourself?
You may think that you value yourself but if you would rather have any relationship than a good one then you actually don’t. If you give too much, or sleep with him too soon, or don’t address issues or let him know when he’s hurt you, this means that you are placing more value on him than on yourself and you’re probably letting him get away with things he shouldn’t. And if you do any of these things because you are afraid of losing him then you are certainly not valuing yourself enough. So if he’s giving nothing back and you carry on tolerating the relationship then you’re simply valuing him and the relationship above yourself and your own self-respect.
Short Changing Yourself Won’t Get You the Guy
Is any of this hitting home? Can you see how it works? If you’re short changing yourself in order to keep your relationship then you just don’t value yourself enough. And when you don’t value yourself enough then he won’t value you either. Your own sense of self-respect will be an indicator to him of the respect that he needs to show to you. Your sense of need of any relationship, rather than one in which you are cherished and valued will show through subtly in your words and actions and leave him wondering why you’re not quite the woman he wants to commit to. He can’t quite put his finger on the problem but he knows it is there.
Seeing How Much He Gives Shows How Much He Values You
When you value yourself you will look at what he is giving to you before you give to him. When he’s giving more then the relationship is moving forward. When he’s not giving enough then it’s just not good enough. But if you are giving more, by chasing him and going out of your way for him, then he doesn’t have to give anything. He gets lazy. And he maybe takes advantage of your generous nature.
Of course, there are some men who are never going to give much to a relationship and these are the ones that you need to weed out early on. But if you give too much too early, how are you going to find out what he would give to you?
The Sense that Something is Wrong
As women, we want to give to our relationship, especially in the beginning. But when you give too much in a relationship, it’s out of balance and both of you will sense that even if you can’t be sure what’s the problem is. He senses something is wrong and backs away because something about you is making him feel uncomfortable. And that something is usually that your desperation for a relationship overshadows your need to put yourself first. This shows up when you let him take advantage of you or try to cling onto the relationship at any cost.
Sometimes You Have to Let Him Go
Why is it that we have no problems looking at a friend’s relationship and seeing that her man isn’t treating her right but we can’t seem to do it with our own? The reason is that we don’t want to see! We know it deep down but we don’t want to face up to our own discomfort. And more than that, we don’t want to lose him because it is going to be painful. But if you’d rather put up with a relationship that isn’t working just to have a man in your life then you don’t value yourself enough.
3 Things to Remember to Get a Great Guy
So, there are 3 things here. The first is to get to know him before you give your heart away so you can see whether he’s the type of guy who will value you and want to give something to a relationship. The second is not to give too much too early so that he has a chance to give to you, if he is that kind of guy. And the third is that if you value yourself enough not to give too much too early, he is much more likely to value you enough to give more and to want the relationship. So always look at what he is giving before you give to him. I know this isn’t the way you want it to be but some guys are prone to take advantage so let’s try to protect ourselves from some of that pain.
Getting the Balance Back in Your New Relationship
In the end it’s all about balance and tuning your dating instincts so you know how much to give without being taken advantage of. So if he’s not giving enough then pull back a bit to see if he comes forward to give more. You might have to summon all your patience but don’t show him that you have any attitude about it. Value yourself enough to know that you deserve to receive from a man. Know that if you’ve been giving and you stop, that even if you don’t hear from him for a while, he sure as hell is going to be wondering where you are and what you are up to. And if he doesn’t value you enough to give something special back to your relationship then you value yourself enough to get out. So, even if the relationship doesn’t last, you will come out with your dignity intact.